Thanks for your comments Algorithm much appreciated. I haven't finished reading the book yet,time and head space issues. I'm scared of making a Big Plan I don't have the confidence in myself to do it right now I'm scared I won't be able to stick to it. I have read through quite alot of threads on here and I will continue to do so until things actually start sinking in my head! My memory is really bad and I can read something and I've forgotten it very quickly afterwards, somethings do stick though, thankfully.
I've been thinking alot about what you said about the separation from the addictive drive.
This was actually confusing me to be honest I think because I've never looked at it that way. Thank you for explaining that to me it's very helpful. I'm sorry if I offended anyone when I said "we addicts" .
As for being powerless...I certainly have felt like that because I have always choosen to drink again after different lengths of sobriety. Looking back I can see that this has been caused by my AV either via my thinking or in my feeling. I don't feel as though I am powerless anymore after starting to learn about AVRT. However it does kinda put the responsibility straight on my shoulders which is a little scarey! So really if I choose to drink again I don't have any excuses No disease or anything...
I can see your point clearly about the therapy. I understand that going to therapy may have a chance of convincing me that I have "issues" that if resolved would enable me to drink "normally" In my heart I know 100% that isn't true. I wish it were but it's not. I do get something from talking to my therapist that I'm missing in my life. I don't have anyone at all that I can talk to on that level and it's helping me at the moment.
Thanks again Algorithm I hope you are feeling OK I know you've been going through alot recently.