Sending you strength rougelily. Life with an A who is a narcissist is not fun or workable. Special days like holidays and birthdays (for others, not the A narc) are always bad because the focus is on someone else, not them. I have endless tales of when my AH had fits on special days and ruined them. Sometimes it was dangerous. My eldest daughter had a final horse show. AH was too stubborn to simply grab the piece of paper with the directions to the horse camp. I foolishly didn't take them either as he has assured me he knew where it was. Well we got lost, and he got madder and madder, rage driving in the woods with my toddler in the backseat. I don't know how we didn't die that day. Lots of apologies after, yadda yadda yadda.
I was in the fog for a very long time but now I know what has been going on all during my marriage. I hope you can break free and find some peace.
(btw I've had a lot of those non-gift/crap gift birthdays but the worst was the year I got a sticker. Yup. A sticker. It's funny to me now in retrospect, but, just wow!)