I'm sorry about your birthday - happy belated to you! Mine was on Wednesday
This line from you,
"For the past 4 years i have missed out on dinners, concerts, etc because he was either drunk, hungover or felt sick because he didnt drink that day" resonated with me. My soon to be xAH was very much the same. And I agree with the others, you do not have to live like this. It's your life! To heck with anyone who brings you down!
I hope you made a birthday wish for YOU! I hope you're able to start this new year by empowering yourself. ((((birthday hugs))))