Originally Posted by
rougelily 
Everyday for the past 4 yrs has been about not upsetting him, not making him stressed so he wants to drink, etc.
I did exactly this for almost the entire 18 years of my marriage to my AH. Mostly for the last 6 years when my oldest daughter (who is now a teen) started to flourish into herself. I walked on eggshells wondering if her bad mood would trigger his drinking or if anything bad would happen it would give him another excuse to drink.
That is all it is, an excuse to drink. He has a choice, he has chosen to stay miserable and continue to drink. What I hope you realize is that you have a choice as well and at the moment you can chose to stay and remain in this situation or you can chose to walk away. He will drink with our without you.
Hugs to you honey. I could suggest Alanon, it has helped me to stay on track and opened my eyes to this disease.
