Just so tired of feeling this way....
So its been a while since Ive been here. I switched jobs and my access to internet has been greatly reduced. I cant really get on here when the ABF is around so...
I have been dealing with an ABF with a narcissistic personality for far too long. His drinking is a little better these days but ots only a matter of time until the next crisis pushes him to the bottle again.
I am at the end of being able to put up with him. Everyday for the past 4 yrs has been about not upsetting him, not making him stressed so he wants to drink, etc. No regard for my feelings at all. Yesterday was my birthday. As usual per the last 4 birthdays, he made no plans and has no money for us to go out. I dug out my credit card so we couls go out for dinner. In the car on the way we hit some heavy traffic. I made a comment about how it reminded me of waiting to pull out after work. The day before he got stuck in backed up traffic and somehow he took what i said as a jab at him and proceeded to yell at me and give me the silent treatment the rest of the way there.
When we got to the restaurant he sat in the car when i got out. I was so pissed. Its my ******* birthday and he cant put his childish crap aside. So i got mad.
Very mad. I yelled at him and told him its not always about him and this behavior is why i wanted to stay home. He turned it into how stressed he is, how his stomach hurts, how he has to be up for work early. No apology for making me cry on my birthday, no apology for making me feel like crap when i did nothing wrong. Nope.
It was a horribly awkward dinner. I wanted to go shopping to get a birthday gift and he made me feel so bad i didnt even want to. I drove us home in silence and after he went to bed i cried in the bathroom. I ws so hurt and angry. For the past 4 years i have missed out on dinners, concerts, etc because he was either drunk, hungover or felt sick because he didnt drink that day. His meanness and lack of motivation has turned me bitter. I am at the end. I cannot keep being supportive and putting him first when he doesn't give a **** about me.