Thomas, there are no good times left in the bottle. Never will be again. Never. There's only misery, despair and pain. The AV is tricky and powerful. I picked up after eleven years. Because I wanted to. It was not fun. I did not relax or enjoy. I felt deep shame and loathing. It's not worth it.
December 1 I will have nine years of continuous sobriety. It's not always been easy, but I've never regretted a single sober day, even when it was sucky. The days pass. Just start over and keep building sober days into weeks and months and years.
Love from Lenina