I haven't taken any more of the Lexpro and I've been feeling really well ever since. Yesterday I managed to get out and go grocery and Christmas shopping with a friend who is very stressful to be with, and I was fine. Usually I'd take half an Ativan for that, but I've basically quit it too, just saving the few pills I have left in case I really need them and doc won't refill (he might, I haven't asked him).
I have been doing a LOT of praying, praising, trying to trust God more actively, trying to pay more attention to Him. I think it was Ignatius Loyola who wrote about "spiritual exercises" and I'm learning it's like physical exercise. I can sit around thinking that walking and yoga are great exercises, but just knowing that doesn't do me any real good. I've been reading some Bible verses on my phone after I go to bed at night (take a long time to get sleepy!). I'm not doing "a lot" compared to what a lot of people do, but it's a lot more than I'd been doing recently, and it's helping.
I've also learned that I can go outside and walk around while with a neighbor and I'm fine. Not shaky, not panicky at all. So if I can do it WITH a person, I can do it WITHOUT a pill.
Not that I'm throwing out the Ativan, though!