Yep, a lot of 'he' said up there and he thinks up there.
The house thing for myself was my idea and he was supporting it and often brings it up to encourage me to not give up on my dreams.
The job stuff I am completely grateful to him pushing me to get out of my admin job and to take a chance on myself. Yes, he was behind that. He motivated me and built me up and told me why he believed in and convinced me that I should take a chance on myself. I don't think there's anything wrong with that. And, if it doesn't work out, I can at least say I tried and took a chance on me plus I'll have my licensing and will be far more marketable for future jobs.
We are not commingling $$. He put $100 into an account for us to just be on the same account so that we can prove that we live together and have something in our name together. That's it. My money is in my account and I have no intention of turning that over to anybody.
As for the I love you stuff......it's not that he doesn't say it. He does. It's just not as often as I'd like to hear it. And, like Anvil, he tends to send me more loving messages when I'm traveling. I need to either accept this or move on. Still working on it, obviously.
I called it 'rent' because I have no idea what to actually call it. I pay for my share of living here, what else is it? And, every decision he (yes, he) makes about the house he runs past me. He gets my opinion on everything and has me meet with the landscapers or the tile people, etc and he pays for all the home improvements and has not asked me to contribute to these things even though I was a part of the final decision.
Yes, he's financially driven. And, yes, I need to really think about what I'm doing here but please know that I am not giving him control of my finances or my assets (what little I have left).
As for what Wisconsin said about my son. The bf has backed off on that after I had a sit down with him a few months ago. Told him to leave it be and that I'll listen to his opinions but that i know my son best and he needs to let it go. Actually, after speaking to my son's school recently and working on a few things with them and discussing it with the bf, the man is actually starting to comprehend what's going on and how my son's disabilities are actually unfolding. To date, he's been far more supportive and less vocal with his 'opinions' than he was in the beginning.
And, as Redatlanta said, I have no protections here. Hence, the reason I'm keeping my car and I've kept most of my furniture and he and I agreed to keep a lot of miscellaneous stuff boxed in the garage. If I were to leave today, I'd still have 80% of my furniture and stuff, mostly because he insisted I keep it just in case I changed my mind or decided to leave him.
I'm trying very hard to keep his kids out of my thinking. His 10 year old and I are very close to the point where she comes to me for advice, hugs me spontaneously in front of her friends, and is always a gracious young lady when I teach her to cook or bake or whatever. His 8 year old loves my son. She can't wait for him to be around so she can ask him to throw the football with her or play ping pong. Both the kids are super sweet and loving and I think it's a testament to the parents that they are so accepting and loving despite their parent's divorce.
I feel like I'm constantly balancing the good with the bad. On the good side, we truly have blended the kids well and everyone gets along. His girls respect me when I ask them to do things, my son respects him when he asks him to take out the trash or cut the grass, etc. The kids laugh and tease each other and get along really well.
I asked my son if he thought that my bf and I had a good relationship and if he was comfortable. He said he thought we were great and that we seem to be a loving couple and have fun together. He's a genuine kid and doesn't hide things from me well, so I take what he says at face value when he says he's comfortable and is adjusting well to our new lives together.
UGH....so frustrating, you know? I want to defend my choices and yet, I know insane it is. I want to accept things are knowing I can't change anybody or anything that is out of my control but yet, I still struggle with acceptance. And, i am so freaking leary of burying my head in the sand and that is causing me to be fearful of every decision I make because I still don't know how to trust myself or how to know if I'm being too needy or whatever.