Finding my self-worth
Hey all,
I'm new here and would like to get some things off my chest to anyone willing to listen. On day 2 of sobriety, which has been off and on lately, but I've spent more days sober than drunk the past 3 months. I'd just like to string those days together from now on. Anyway, I'm recently divorced (finalized last week) and I've really been struggling to find the good in myself. My wife left because of my alcoholism, but I found out almost immediately upon the separation that she is with another guy.
I have had plenty of support from my family, but I feel like they don't understand the pain I have been feeling. I often think about why I wasn't good enough for my wife and how she could just leave me like that. We had many fights due to my drinking, however I feel like there had to be something else we could've done to fix things as we never tried counseling. In the end, I was willing but she was not.
Those of us who are alcoholics may never fully understand what the other person goes through because of our drinking. I can't help but beat myself over not seeing the destruction sooner. I was too busy being in a drunken fog, or battling with my anxiety/depression that always followed a binge episode. I must say that I'm truly thankful for SR and I look forward to sticking around for as long as I need.
I do not want this disease to destroy anymore of my life. I'm only 33, I have no children, and I've yet to accomplish anything significant. If I don't turn my life around now, I fear I may not have much of a future left. I'm just exhausted from this constant battle.