Hi Lynn...don't be mad at yourself. Being a Mom is a 'learn as you go' thing. It sounds to me like you're doing the best you can and you're not screwing up. There are so many influences on kids that a parent is only a part of how they turn out by the time they start to get mature. You don't have to be tough all the time. That tough love stuff is bulls**t. Love, not tough love is what any kid needs. You're not going to change an 18 or 19 yr. old with being tough. Hang in there and let him make the mistakes he'll make. We all had to do it and we all NEEDED a soft place to land when we messed up. Tough love might be good at 8 or 9 but by 18 or 19 it's resented and
turns your child away from you.
God bless