Originally Posted by
sadsadgirl 
I have to sort myself out.. I'm ruled by ambivalence it feels.
Whatever you do, don't go looking for those deep "hidden causes" of your drinking, in the hopes of rooting out the desire to drink, while you keep on drinking. That's a fool's errand, which many will help you engage in for a fee.
If you are indeed interested in AVRT, I second the recommendation to check out the
Secular Connections forum. Ambivalence is the hallmark of addiction, and AVRT deals with it specifically.