Oh, so this is loving detachment...
After months in Alanon, I finally figured out what "loving detachment" means. I've been letting my alcoholic, adult daughter stay at my place for the last four months after she lost her job due to her drinking. I thought this was helping her to heal, and stay in recovery.
This was an extremely stressful time - I dealt with her suicide threats, detox visits, her committment to a psych ward, her treating me like dirt, etc.. etc.. all summer. A few days ago, she moved into her new apartment and drank a quart of whiskey the first night there.
I was blown away. I finally "got it". I finally understand what people mean when they talk about ennabling, and detachment. I finally realize that no amount of my love will stop her from drinking. No amount of my sacrificing for her, will stop her from drinking. No amount of me going into debt to take care of her will stop her from drinking. No amount of me driving her to AA meetings will stop her from drinking. There is nothing I can do for her, that will stop her from drinking, and if she is determined to destroy her life, I have to learn to be at peace with that...
Now that I finally understand that, I feel a real sense of freedom to start living my own life, instead of trying to live her life for her...
I just wanted to share that.
Robina