I'm sorry this happened, and it reminds me of the many times I've felt exactly the way you do now. The tremendous guilt, shame, and remorse takes over your mind and body and you feel like things will never feel better. They will. If you stop drinking now, take it as a final warning from the universe that you are not a person who can drink, and work on yourself and becoming a better person. I'm only sober 8 months and my life has complexity changed for the better. I got myself into a ten week out patient rehab, where I would go for 3 hours 3 nights a week from 6-9, in group therapy and one on ones. I can't tell you how much it helped me. Changed my thinking and my life. I would recommend looking into it. Good luck and feel free to pm me if you want to.