Florence: So sorry for how you are feeling, hon. "Hole in the chest" is a good descriptor. I can just imagine how it feels.
These gall-dang, blanketly-blank "Holidaze" seem to do people in every year and it's pretty sad to me that a "holiday" should make a person feel sad instead of just taking a real holiday, which at its essence is a day of rest.... It kind of reminds of when we take a 'vacation' that doesn't turn out to be a real vacation and then we need to somehow recover from the 'vacation'. Vacation is in quotes, because in so many ways they aren't real vacations; they are pseudo-vacations.
Whatever happened to just taking some days or a few weeks off even to just rest and get yourself some time to de-stress and heal if that's what we need? I really don't get it. It seems like there is way more stress and loneliness created all the time around the holidaze.
But with the "holidaze" we often spend more money than we should, we worry more than we should, we fret, we are busy, but still wonder why we feel some sort of lack or 'hole', or whatever. Then when the holidaze are over we feel let down.
Don't you think it's time we looked at the holidaze a bit differently? Lesson the pressure. Instead of the pressure to make it so and so and such and such, why not think of a holiday as the best you can imagine spending for your health? To me that would mean, get enough sleep, eat healthy, exercise and have some down time. A day to myself to just be quiet, reflect, write, listen to music, read, enjoy the peace and quiet? A day like that is a holiday......not these suped-up things that are full of frenzy, discord, drinking to much, eating too much. I'm not a Scrooge of the Grinch, not by far, but Dr. Suess had a pretty good message anyways.
The Grinch stole Christmas, but the "Who's down in Whoville" still had a song in their heart despite that.
My first Christmas alone was when I was 20 and had just broke up with someone I was head over heels in love with. Ouch. I will never forget it. But, in between working my shifts, I exercised, listened to music, sang and played to old 12 string, and the neighbors across the street invited me over at the spur of the moment on Christmas eve for few hours and wanted me to bring my guitar. So I did. I sang/played for them and they shared their "simple" philosophy on life with me. There were no fancy treats or good food, Just interesting company and me singing/playing. So, was I really alone? Yes and no. I think it made me a stronger person really. And I realized I could get through something like. I felt like I should have been spending it with my ex boyfriend who I was still in love with. But there I was alone, and trying to heal a broken heart. I don't know that all the company in the world could helped heal my broken heart anyways.....healing has it's own way and time and method of happening. And as ironic as this sounds, one of the most healing things for me was my music which was also something me and the ex had fiercely in common and caused all the sparks to fly in the first place.
Wow. Just wow.
You can get through this Florence.
It's okay to cry! Really, it is. If staying busy helps, stay busy. If you need some down time, try to take it. Do something healthy and kind for yourself. Take an extra long shower or bath and put lotion on all over. Style your hair different and take extra time with your makeup. Drink lots of water. Exercise if you can. One of the best things for us is to stay in touch with our gym and other fitness/health minded folks because they tend to celebrate the holidays a bit different too.
It'll be alright. The holidaze will soon be over and you can start anew. Or you can start anew right NOW!!