GottaKeepGoin08

Hello everyone. I'm new here (obviously). I don't know if I'm looking for support, advice, someone to slap me into reality (if thats possible), or just to vent. All I do know is I can't keep doing this anymore.

My husband and I have been together for only 2 years. When I got with him I knew he was a drinker, I was a social drinker. A few months after we had first got together I had a really bad night and I stopped going out as much. I have not had a drink, even socially since in over 6 months. Both of us come from alcoholic parents so I guess we are both predisposed to becoming alcoholics. I lucky have been able to find other ways to cope with the "bad" things in life via music and doing positive things. He on the other hand has always gone to drinking. Since the last summer (2015) his drinking is just getting worse. He has lost 5 jobs since last summer. Financially I have always been the "bread winner" so it's not the financial state that I am worried about, even though it doesn't make it any easier. Since March this year his behavior has started to become out of control when he drinks too much. At first it was just verbal towards me. As time passed he would do good for a couple of weeks but then there is another bad episode. It's almost like he goes into a psychosis. He recently has started getting physically violent (punching holes in the walls, and lets be honest; with me too).

I have given him an ultimatum, spoke my mind when he was sober enough to have a discussion with me. I've given him all the info I can possibly find on programs and meetings. This time he has said he will try the meetings. I think he needs to be admitted. I don't know how to tell him that I can't support him anymore. I want to fix our marriage but everything we talk about goes out the window within a week of talking about it.

I have been in a physically violent relationship before and I refuse to be in another one. I know I'm already going against what I just said because I am still with him but I want to help him. I want to fix our marriage. But at this point I have to start thinking about what is best for my son and I too. I am so worn down and numb that all I want to do is sleep. I barely have the energy to go on a walk with my son, which kills me because that is our thing.

If there is any advice or slaps of realization you can give me all will be appreciated.

Thank you.