honey & Phoenix thank you for your following up
Needless to say my lack of response indicates a small step back I took, but I have regained myself again since.
After the debacle and him leaving, as expected the next day he texted me if he could come back as he had spent the night at the hospital. I sternly said no and blocked him from my phone. That evening I went to Target and on my way home I saw him outside my parking spot. Again I said no and he begged me then finally gave up and asked me for money to take a cab to the shelter. I regrettedly gave it to him knowing he would use it to drink but I was so tired and wanted him away.
He left and the next morning the knock came at the door. Yes I let him in - (exhausted is not an excuse but I felt completely depleted and had a business call coming up and just needed to get through it and not have him knocking while I worked). He was covered in dirt and urine and explained that he spent the night outside in a garage. I demanded he leave after my meeting but as we know the cycle kept up and he sat himself on the couch never getting up and feigning 'sobering up' so he could get to a shelter . (the temps in Chicago plummeted this weekend and per usual, it presented another setback for my compassionate naivite). In the day or two that followed he continued to find ways to drink and I felt again powerless to throwing him out in the freezing temps knowing that places would not take him drunk. The recent days blurred. More alcohol..more uncontrolled urination, and more mess. Yesterday I woke up to him moaning and I found him on the sofa with a 1.75 liter bottle of vodka completely empty, eventhough that night he seemed ok. This meant that he somehow found money to drink away in that short a time.
I of course know I invited it back in but somehow I needed to get him sober enough to go - I know it shouldn't matter and to call police but I made the conscious choice to get him sober enough to leave voluntarily having a shelter to go to (I know...codie codie codie....)...fast forward to this morning when he awoke seemingly done with the bender as they tend to last exactly one week. He tried to hold me while I lay in bed and I couldn't. He tried to cuddle with the dog and even the dog didn't want to...in my heart I wanted to hold him and take all of that pain away but I couldn't do it because we couldn't come back here. It needed to be different.
He was sober(ish) and begged to stay one more day if I could please just be with him and hold him and he would leave tomorrow. Something he typically asks me when the bender episode is over, and something I typically do. But I couldn't. It was sad to see, but I didn't feel the dilemma I usually do or the tears - I calmly said no and that I loved him but he needed to take action today and here on out without me.
I asked he call him wife he is separated from and stay there if he doesn't want to go to shelter or sober house, but that he could not stay here. Shockingly, after he gave me excuses he asked to use my phone and made the call to her. I was dumbfounded (again, I know it shouldn't matter and 'not my problem', but I do care for this person). When he made the call for once I clearly saw that I was not his only hope, his only place to go. This man has a family that is now impacted by the very real place he put himself in. He lost the job finally after a year long of chances, and he needed to sort this out with his family who were going to face the very real impact of his destruction. They share the lease, they depend on him...I've no horse in this show. This was their problem to face as a family. God is removing me.
After he called he turned to me and asked for a ride there. It was that simple. We got dressed, and I drove him. In the car, he asked I please not see anyone while he is getting better, that I not start dating because it would kill him. Amazing how this was his thinking at a time like this. As we got closer to the house, he made a final plea if there is any chance he could come back and I calmly explained to him no and that I am doing this simply because I loved him and I needed to heal and to allow him to heal, but that we could not heal together in my home. He accepted this and we continued our drive. When we reached the home I gave him a long hug. He explained how sorry he was and that he loved me. I wished him health and healing and that today is another chance at sobriety. A blank page if he wants it.
I know this is disappointing to read after the big step I took this week, but I want to be honest about where I am. I am very lucky to have a big and loving family so tonight I will be heading to my parents who live outside of the city. I decided to stay there for a while to get myself strong. I know that in my vulnerable state I need to stay away from my apartment for a while and the risk of getting a knock on the door on another freezing night, even if he is sober and playing on my psyche that he does not pose a threat. I am not running away from it, but removing myself from it to heal. When I feel better I will go back home.
Heading to a meeting here now that starts in 30 minutes. I'm tired, but I am strong and will survive this. I pray he does too. That's all I can do.