My head still feels like it's going to explode.. I keep looking back at everything that's happened.. I was pushing his buttons, but if he hadn't had buttons to push, I couldn't have pushed them.. There was an ongoing flirtation... I wish I had stayed professional... I wish he would have been his wife's best friend at 29 years, and that he would have spoken up or confided in his wife when he knew I had a crush, I wish she would have trusted him and respected him enough to just approach me and ask me what was up.. I wish he had respected her enough not to immediately cross the street to come to me when she accused him of messing around with me.. I wish I'd respected other human beings enough not to flirt with a married man that I knew had an unstable marriage... I wish I'd respected myself more... I wish I had been sober...I wish I knew what to do with my feelings other than talk here and talk to trusted friends and keep moving on.. exercise, keep busy (when I feel like moving), try to do things I enjoy.. I'm just so depressed today nothing seems enjoyable.. But I am grateful that I am sober and not interested in going back.. I just wish I could make sense of the past year's events.. Why didn't he try harder to push me out???