Day 31
Still sober! It feels good! Some days have been stressful but keeping busy really has been the key. When I think about drinking I either check in here or I get busy doing something productive and forget about it in no time after remembering that if I had been drinking I wouldn't have had any motivation to do anything at all except keep drinking.
I still get feelings of sadness or the fear of missing out sometimes when I think about never drinking again. And I've avoided a lot of social situations because I don't want to be tempted or have to talk about why I'm not drinking.
But on the flip side, I know now that had I not stopped drinking I was going to suffer serious medical problems from it. I had gotten to the point that my ankles were always swollen and my side hurt all the time. There was a fullness under my right ribcage that made it uncomfortable to bend over or move in certain ways. My days were hangovers and my nights were binging. It was affecting my ability to focus and think clearly, which affected productivity at work. I was hungover for important personal events or just drank straight through them, always more than everybody else was drinking. I've gained a massive amount of weight from drinking. I was highly functioning and an extremely happy drunk which is why people have a hard time thinking I had a problem. But I was shortening my life with every sip I took.
I don't want to die from this addiction. I don't want to keep forgetting what happened the night before. I don't want to give my wife reason to be concerned. My marriage is the most important thing to me and she needs to know that. I don't want to be the one still drinking after everybody else easily decides one day that they're too old for that sh*t anymore and puts it down like it's nothing - because they're not an alcoholic like me. They can have one fun night every few months and not miss it in between where I was doing it every night. I have to keep admitting to myself that I am different in that way.
Anyway, all that to say...it isn't easy every day but every day it gets easier. I want to live and I want to be healthy. I want a future with my wife. I want her to be proud of me. I want to be proud of me. I want to make good choices and drinking isn't one of those good choices for me.