I had a couple of years of serious self-pity in my mid-fifties. Loss of youth, fear of death, a serious debilitating and expensive illness, loss of job and all my older family members and my best friend of 20 years - a combo of all that plus drinking a poison that made my life seem gray and pointless. I well and truly wished for death many times when I was still drinking.
Now that I've been sober for a while, I'm just grateful to still be on this side of the grass. So many people don't get the privilege of living as long as I have.
I would have felt pretty stupid on my deathbed if I died of alcoholism. Not to mention it's a horrible way to die.