I feel so sad. I've been mulling over what happened these past few months over and over and all it comes down to is I JUST WANT TO FEEL NORMAL!!!!!!!!
I've been hungover all day, feeling awful, snapped at my niece, because she wanted to play. I remember the first time I held her 4 years ago when she was a baby I was so hungover that I had to excuse myself to my bedroom and vomit in my garbage can. That was the beginning of my first road to sobriety. When I knew I had to change, but today....four years later.... I feel like I'm back to that square one.
I could list a million reasons I hate my life right now! I broke-up with my boyfriend and moved out months ago because he was an alcholic and now I feel like a hipocrate.
BUT trying to hang out with friends as a single person now I just felt like such an ALIEN not drinking. Always having to restrain myself, always having to be so perfectly clean!!!! I just got so sick of it. And I often got left out of parties because I didn't drink and I got really upset. And these past two weeks while I've been drinking, my friends have said they actually have been relieved that I am drinking again.
But I can't do it.
This isn't the way for me. I feel like ****. I miss getting up, going to the gym, playing with my family. I can't live my life like this. If being sober means I'm going be alone with no friends the I maybe thats the choice I'll have to make. I deeply regret that I started drinking. HOW did this happen?????? I just want to go back to 3 years sober. I feel like I'm back to ground zero.