Huh. Well I could answer this with a really long, detailed post, or a really short one. I'll go with short. I'm a drunk.
As for the girl, sounds like ya dodged a bullet. Relationships based on the genuine 'you' will be the ones that last.
I've tried, and tried, and tried to understand the whys of my drinking. And there are a lot of why's. But at the end of the day it just is. I've intellectualized to the point of utter confusion. Now i just accept it.