Thanks Dee74
You told me yesterday to re-read my posts/threads. Well I did and I cried. It's a sick psycho carousel ride I've been on.
In looking at the timestamps of my posts it seems I do the best when I frequent SR and participate daily. My weakness is thinking I can be a normal drinker. That's not true.
But my pattern is getting drunk, doing stupid things, blacking out, being hungover, feeling guilt, quit drinking, feel all better and healed, bruises are gone. Then I start slowly drinking socially, and that works for a few weeks. Then I start the whole cycle over again.
Thank you Dee74 for telling me to re-read my posts. I started at the very beginning. I needed that.