Two alcoholics in a relationship
When I met my boyfriend I didn't know about my addiction, in fact I was in such denial I thought I wouldn't drink much at all...
He was very open about being an alcoholic and told me the first time we met. We met at a bar and I asked why he didn't drink, he explained.
When we started going out with each other we would talk a bit more about it, he would tell me how much he struggled with it and I was (and still am) so proud of him. He's sober for over 4 years now.
I told him from the beginning that my drinking used to be problematic in the past to the point where I questioned if I had developed an addiction.
He was okay with that but didn't think about it much more. During summer I noticed more and more how much of a problem my drinking had become and last month I knew it had to stop. I opened up about it to him and he was mad at me first cause I didn't tell him when we first met, how bad it actually was with my drinking. He said my drinking would bring him one step closer to drinking again. But after we talked about it and I explained it a bit more, he understood that I couldn't tell him before cause I hadn't realised it by then. He said he didn't feel any longer like it's bringing him one step closer to drinking again, but may be even helpful to him. Everything seemed alright again.
Now this weeks been really tough for both of us and we were not able to see each other. He knows that I almost slipped last night and that I feel very lonely. So he asked me if I was okay tonight and I said that I don't know and just hope I won't drink tonight.
He said it's the same for him, he feel like he could drink tonight too but just hopes it won't happen.
When he said that I felt so panicky. I felt like maybe it's my fault he feels that way (he didn't say things like that before and he seems to do very well with his sobriety). I thought that it would probably make me drink if he did cause I couldn't deal with it. I know that's bad and it's like I make my sobriety depending on his. But I'm so early on (day 15) and he's my biggest support (besides SR) and inspiration. I told him I was worried and he said he'll be okay as long as I am. That makes me feel pressured. Like I'm no longer just responsible for my sobriety but his, too. When I told him that it would not have anything to do with him if I drink, he said he knows that. Just like it wouldn't have to do with me, if he drank. But somehow it feels like it would have a massive impact on him / me if the other slipped.
I don't know how to handle this situation. Is it bad for two alcoholics to be together? I'm scared we will end up codepended on each other or trigger each other. He's the love of my life and I don't want to undermine his sobriety.