my take on this
my AH is out of the house. We have 3 kids. I have realized that he is acting out on his immaturity and not taking responsibility for TAKING CARE OF HIS FAMILY. and his beer drinking and drugging career will not possibly allow him to get past his immaturity and face up to the real reality of what real life is all about. not about the illusion that LIFE IS ONE BIG DRUNKEN PARTY. He has three children for God's sake. as much as your A may love you, he still has a responsibility to his FAMILY. AND as much as YOU think he loves you. He CANNOT POSSIBLY LOVE ANYONE AS MUCH AS HE LOVES HIS ADDICTION. His wife probably knows this by now as well.
so maybe you should look at YOUR ISSUES and see if you don't have some kind of relationship addiction which attracts you to UNAVAILABLE MEN. the steps are a good place to start.