(((sketscher)))
Let me tell you something I have learned from alcoholics - those not in recovery are takers. Their sole purpose in life is to make themselves feel good, and avoid feeling bad, regardless of the impact on other people. In fact, they don't even see that they are having any negative impact. I spent so many wasted weeks and months moaning about "how could he do this to me?" and "why doesn't he understand how hurt I am by his actions?". 9 months on, my ex is still trying to get back together with me and has no comprehension of why hell would freeze over before that happens. I have been perfectly clear as to the reasons, but he chooses not to listen so I don't justify anymore. In fact, I refuse to discuss it. And I am having to come to terms with the reality that I won't get any form of tidy ending with him. He is unable to validate my feelings and my hurt because he refuses to face up to what he has done.
Walking away and having no contact would be the most healing thing you can do for yourself. Along with going to al-anon meetings. In those rooms, I learnt why I allowed myself to stay in a situation that was patently unhealthy for me. I am beginning to feel confident that I won't fall into the same trap in the future.
Good luck and don't be a stranger here.