It does get better Climbing, I promise you that. I second Lexie. Get yourself to an AA meeting. You can handle life so much better when you're sober. Take some other women's numbers and get to as many meetings as you can. I used to think I could only get sober if I went to rehab and I couldn't afford rehab so I kept drinking for another few years. In the end, I didn't need it. I just started going to AA. You can do this!