akgal...
Welcome to the Board.
First things first...deep breath...relax...you're in the right place, and I'm glad you posted.
Now, regarding your ABF --
he's like a 20 year old college guy in a 40 year old mans body. he's never been married, this is his longest relationship ever--we are just over a year
-- take a step back and ask yourself if this is how you want to live your life. I'd bet money the answer is an unequivocal no. But there is something that is precluding you from pulling the trigger and cutting him loose. There's where we come in. Now is a time you have to have your eyes and your mind open. It will help tremendously to learn about addiction and how our members have dealt with a loved one's addiction. It doesn't matter if that loved one is a boyfriend, a husband, a son, or a brother because the same principles will apply in all of those cases. And when you go through this process, my hope is you ask yourself some tough questions as to what has motivated you to stay as long as you have, and you're able to do this is a way that is constructive and non-judgmental.
In any event, you've found a good place. Keep us posted, and again, Welcome to the Board.