akgal

I started dating this guy over a year ago. He was a terrible boyfriend. Never wanted to spend time with me outside when he thought it was ok. The little things that make you feel special in a relationship just didn't matter...nor do they now--like hand holding and long good conversations and doing different things together, spontaneous activities. I should pre lude that I'm a co dependent. spent ten years married to an addict and it took me those full ten to leave him. We've been divorced for a couple years. Long story short, my boyfriend starts every date night with drinking. everything is drinking related. have to make it to happy hours on vacation. need a beer to losen up. have a good time. I'm not sure we've ever really had sober sex! He drinks probably 7 days a week and it's never just 1. He starts with two strong beers to get a buzz going and then drinks lighter beer to keep it going. he's not a mean guy. he kept me at a distance for a year, didn't want to spend time with my kids. was uninterested in anything I had to say or do. didn't want to meet my family or friends. everything revolved around him. I tried breaking up with him and he admitted to doing all that and that he would try harder. he even told me he loved me. I can't say I love you back. and I'm concerned that despite the 180 over the past three weeks, that it can't be sustained. I cant' decide if I'm being too critical or if my instincts are right. Why did it take me breaking up with him to wake him up? I don't even know why I stuck it out as long as I did. Now I feel responsible for his feelings. He has a good job, interests and hobbies...but with this kind of life style I'm not sure he'll be the man I need him to be for me and my kids. I can't stand that he has to have beer on sunday movie nights with my kids before the work week. I question if I'm being overly cautious because my kids' dad is an addict, or if I have a right to see these things as red flags. I don't know a time that we did something without alcohol starting it or ending it. if he was mean when he drank I'd not question it...but he's nice. Add on top of the alcohol is weed use...he's like a 20 year old college guy in a 40 year old mans body. he's never been married, this is his longest relationship ever--we are just over a year. I know I need to call it before it gets deeper...but I don't want to be wrong....I don't even know if I'm in the right place...