So glad you're back. And yes that makes sense. Complete sense. I'm working my program through AA this time and I have come to realize that the steps are in order for a reason. Not sure if you're familiar with AA but step 1, really the most important step, is all you really need to think about right now. Dealing with all that past 'stuff' comes later in the game, when you're ready. I'm not pushing AA but when one is so early in recovery its enough just to learn to accept that alcohol has won and that life is out of control. Just accept that alcohol no longer works TODAY. Don't stress about yesterday and tomorrow.
Hang in there.