Berrybean

That resonates with me big time. I was reading a really useful (to me anyway) article on codependency and inner child work, and one of the things that kind of jumped out and popped me one on the nose was something about all our feeling being real, but just not always correct, because often they come from that inner child who doesn't really understand what it needs, and is crying out for what it wants regardless of the facts and what we know to be good orderly direction for ourselves to follow. The author suggests that we ask ourselves 'how old do I feel right now' when we're having these emotional moments to help us identify what, actually, you very astutely identified in yourself. I wish I always had the same self-knowledge that you displayed yesterday BC. Thing is, that knowledge only helps us when we choose to act on that, and not the whims of our damaged and distressed inner child.
I know it's really hard to disconnect and go no-contact, but you do KNOW that's what you need. Sooth your inner child and reassure it that you're acting in her best interests. She can grow to trust you if you start taking care of her. Despite the pain and discomfort, just keep putting one foot in front of the other and continue to trudge your road to recovery. No one of us ever said it'd be easy. I promise you though, it IS worth it.

Thinking of you BC, and sending my prayers and best wishes your way. BB