Brenda dear:
What you are describing here sounds like you need a really really good outlet to get some of these intense feelings and frustrations out. Yes, you situation sounds frustrating too...I can tell you are a very caring person. That's why you want to keep taking care of that lady. And yes, caregivers do form attachments to those in their care sometimes...that's part of caring and being engaged.
Right now you feel uncomfortable no matter what you do. You've been 'guilted' into to staying in the current place. I understand that. You're damned if you do, damned if you don't. If we live like that too awful much we can end up feeling as if we are 'damned' in general and we can take that on so much before it really really starts to wear on us. Perhaps it's just the nature of the beast. If your type of work was 'easy' everyone would be doing it, but the sad fact is caring for the elderly; working in nursing homes, etc does have a high turnover rate and it's hard to get people to stay. So of course you don't want to just be the latest in what sounds like a steady stream of people coming and going who've cared for this lady. It's hard to the patient too because they feel abandoned.
Our stress, our frustration, our unmet needs, and unresolved issues do come out in some form or another. I know many co-dependents who start drinking or using other substances their selves to 'deal'. Honestly, for me it wasn't difficult to stop drinking. My co-dependency issues are the tougher nut to crack.
It concerns me when you speak of the need to 'self destruct'. Maybe you were half joking. You are a person of great worth, Brenda!