Thank you so much for the friendly and welcoming replies!!!! Thanks for encouraging me to write here.
You all have awesome forum member names.
I'm just in the final days of a Master's degree. My teacher has encouraged me to go on to a PhD, but it's not for me. I'm proud of what I've achieved, but PhD is for someone who wants to be a university teacher or a researcher. I just want a job that I can tolerate to support myself while I do what I really love on my time off, which is reading and writing and drawing for fun.
To anyone who wants to get degrees I would say that you can definitely do it. What it takes more than anything is having a focus on COMPLETING tasks on time no matter how imperfectly, and more than anything on PERSISTENCE. People you love will shock you by saying you can't do it, but don't listen to them. If something goes wrong just pick yourself up and keep on going, never give up. It's taken me 10 years from when I first started my undergraduate degree to finishing this one, but I've finally done it.
Usually my secrets are the only thing keeping me going. I don't think they hurt me. It's like if you kept a secret plushy toy animal in the back of your wardrobe and you took it out sometimes and told happy stories to yourself about it. That's what my secrets are like. My secrets help me keep from merging with my mother, who has no boundaries. But I have to keep them closely, because my mother is very good at ferreting out secrets, because she is afraid of boundaries.
I am definitely working right now on improving my lot. I'm doing some temporary work right now but in the new year I'm going to be looking for an entry level job in my field. I've been at home to this point partly because I have been sick myself, then because I was taking care of my mother (she is actually doing much better than ever...) and now because I am wanting to save up for an apartment. I will be saving for the most smallest and most affordable apartment on the market, everything in one room type apartment. This is a really important goal for me, because in my life, there has been little security. I want to make a secure and stable life for myself, and to know that I'll always be able to take care of myself and keep myself safe.
I'm really interested in exercise as a part of recovery. The university has set up a free gym membership for me which I've been using, but not in the past couple of weeks as I've been negotiating over assignments and deadlines. But I think I'll try and get to the gym this evening. Breathing exercises sound really interesting too.
I'm not sure that AA and group therapy is the right thing for me. I'm a very quiet person and I get really stressed out in groups of people. I think that if I didn't succeed in making things better for myself after this point, I would go to AA or a support group. But I'd like to avoid it.
