I can tell you genuinely care and that's why I love it here. I can do this anonymously and work through my stuff.
You used the word destructive and that's such a great word that applies here.. I have always had an urge to self destruct, it numbs my feelings..
I did in fact feel a need to numb my senses last night, I needed a cigarette or twelve and I needed to blast something hard like Nine Inch Nails and I didn't have any of my cds and there was a hockey game on the alt station and there's a wiring issue in my car where only the back speakers are working and I almost blew them out! lol
I want boxing gloves and a heavy bag to punch the living hell out of.