Hi newlight 7,
I'm sorry you are going thru this. I been there and done that and it's a horrible feeling it suck any happiness you may want to experience. Only time can lessen the feeling of dread and shame. I have some memories that I just prefer to suppress because I can't explain to myself my past behavior during blackouts. Sometimes I even thought and crazy or simply a horrible amoral person. Such love towards me ha! I'm just to afraid to drink now because horrible things may happen.
You are not alone in this hang in there. This will also pass but to stop it from happening again well you are going to have to quit for good. Best of luck!
(Me too no more booze)
