marie1960

Hello Everyone, I haven't posted in forever. I do hope everyone is healthy and have their thinking caps on, because I am at a complete loss.

Early this summer, I welcomed granddaughter # 5. Within 24 hours of her birth , my middle daughter, began to hemmorage and had to have an emergency hysterectomy. Complications after complication, it was frightening, she was in ICU, and for a minute there we thought we were going to lose her. Sitting at her bedside, my ex-husband has a massive heart attack, thank God we were at a hospital, Dr. said her would not have survived the ambulance ride.

Bottom line I spent my summer caring for newborn infant, my daughter and my ex husband, along with the other 4 grand kids, because the kids just spend the summer at the beach with their granny. Actually the 16 and 14 year old helped out immensly, and for a moment in time, I did have everyone under the same roof.

So I am guessing it was about June that my youngest daughter ( age 29) meets this 5 time combat vet, (i did not know you could do 5 tours ) who suffers from PTSD, along with a severe brain injury, he is on 100% disability. At first, I pay zero attention, because after meeting this 37 year old man, who acts 12, I knew this would not be someone who would ever interest my daughter.

Fast forward, it is now October, and Yes she is with this boychild/manchild. My oldest daughter, and my three son-in-laws are all in law enforcement. So one day as middle daughter is sitting on the patio she just happened to google little sister's new friend name, and lo and behold there he is with a long , long list of unacceptable offenses.

I guess some would overlook his drunken intoxication offenses, the chasing of cars, barking like a dog, trying to break into people's houses in a drugged/ drunken rage. Maybe some folks would overlook the cops called to his parents house for an out of control man destroying parents house and property, or his being thrown in jail for bar fights on 3 separate occasions. And I guess when the waitress ignores you in a restaurant, it's ok to flip the table, and scream.

But the most recent charge being, Police officer shoots drunk man, after he grabs partners gun.

Well let me say, this was the straw that broke the camel's back. Life as I once knew is over. The most beloved Auntie to her 5 nieces is no longer allowed to have her nieces for a visit, or sleepover, she can only visit them at their parents homes. We have all tried to talk sense to her, but today she says to me " Don't make me choose, you will lose."

She is sick and tired of us bullying her, we are not giving him a chance, we don't know him, people make mistakes, people change, he doesn't drink anymore, and he is a better person with me in his life, he spent 2 years in a VA hospital, he is better now. Oh and "dad doesn't think he is so bad." And all I keep saying this severe brain injury (if real) is not going to evaporate, why are you looking to borrow other's trouble's? You are going to find yourself in harm's way here. But again, i am just the mom, and i know zero.

I have decided to allow her to live her life as she sees fit. I did not respond to her "don't make me choose, you will lose" drama. I was concentrating on trying to swallow down that huge lump in my throat, otherwise I was afraid I was going to vomit all over both of us, in retrospect I do wish I would puked on the both of us, that way my feelings could have been acknowledged. Because it is feelings that count, and not the obvious facts staring you in the face. It makes no difference that your beautiful new home is on the law enforcement network agency network, so when you call them for help because he flips out, it probably says in the memo attempted cop killer, so you better stay below the SWAT teams firing line.

Any words of wisdom would be much appreciated. I truly have to force myself not to future trip as I fear my daughter may be coming home in a box.