lizatola....I sometimes think that you are soo willing to beat yourself excessively.....
I, also, wonder....(again, I am going to spitball)....if what you call "controlling", might be the need to have more of the things that most of us women love and need the most....expressions of intimacy, romance, and some really good (I mean good) horizontal tango, on a regular basis. To feel really special in the man/woman kind of way. That we are still adored and can set his heart and loins on fire....as well as all the nuanced stuff that surrounds this. (Desert Eyes might nab me for this).......
I remember that Steve Harvey has had several of his daytime shows devoted to this very thing. Typical story...pretty functional and devoted marriage..but, the wife confesses that the lack of the things that I mentioned above had become an area of deep longing and frustration for the wife. The husbands were solid as a rock...but, they were, also, as dense as a rock co ncerning these womanly needs. So--Steve Harvey begins an intense program of reality feedback for the husband and a program of "education" for them. His theory is that lots of men are clueless....but, they can be taught.
I have talked to enough women, and had my own experience, to know that this is common...and, it is very important in l ong standing relationships.
There is a lot of instructional material around for this area of human behavior.
The classic book...."The Joy of Sex" is surprisingly good...and yes, they have drawn pictures, too! There are tons of videos for instruction and enlightenment.
I think that it is a great area for couples therapy...because it is already focused on an issue..and one that is imminently easy to address and get great results...unlike some of the problems seen in couples therapy.......
I think that the suggestions that Desert Eyes made about incorporating some of your own activities that garner excitement, challenges, and novelty...like rodeo riding and hand gliding.....along with lots of horizontal tango, might address some of the needs.....
Now, Liz..I can already see you, explaining what a good man he is and how he meets all of your needs beautifully...and that you are just some kind of control freak with ravenous needs of reassurance.....
But, maybe, you could consider this stuff as, maybe, having some validity for about an hour or two, before tossing it aside......f
If you do think that I am barking up the wrong tree...oh, well....it didn't hurt to try.....