I'm back
I haven't posted in a long time here, but last night had the lowest, worst blackout drunk of my entire life. I have no memory of it at all, but said horrible things to my wife and it's honestly a wonder she didn't leave then and there. I don't know what happened or where any of this came from, it's like I became demon possessed or something (nothing was wrong between us at all).
I've never had a night of drinking just spiral off into blacked out insanity like that, I think I started around 4 or so in the afternoon and have no memory at all past maybe an hour later. I'm really ashamed today, I know I really hurt my relationship with my wife last night and over nothing at all, and I have no recollection of it at all, which makes me almost unsure how to even feel.
With that said, as of today I am done with this poison. Last night will never happen again as long as I never drink again, and this is the first time "never drinking again" doesn't scare me and start me craving right off the bat.
I really appreciate the support here, I'll be checking in often and regularly from now on.