I think there's a difference between always wanting him to act in a way you'd like
( = controlling), vs having similar situations arise over time where you repeatedly wish he would react differently (= not compatible in this area).
I think this may be what Dandylion was getting at...that it's not bad to have expectations. Your wants may be completely reasonable, just maybe not from him. And if you want a relationship with him, then you'll need to ease your expectations here or be continually disappointed.
On the excitement topic, I get it!! Something I realized about myself after my first post-divorce relationship was that I didn't like the feeling of how it "settled in". What's next? I was kind of bored. I've learned that I thrive on spontaneity, even though I didn't realize it since usually it's my spontaneous friends suggesting things. When I've "settled in" and things get predictable, I struggle. That doesn't mean I'm codependent and awful, just that I'm wired to want more variety. I have that with my friends. When I've found myself saying "I should be happy with this because he's a good man and so good at X...", I know I'm not being true to myself. Not saying this is you! You sound very happy with things--just sharing my experience and continuing struggle in this area.