Hey SR I need your help right now and advice, I have been down since yesterday afternoon, and I even was planning a relapse last night, a guy nodded at me and I turned around, then said to myself "What the F*** are you doing Vic?" I left not scoring thank God and headed to a coffee shop where I know some of the people from the program hang out. I noticed about 4 people from this group that I have been going to there and pulled in the parking lot, and I turned around and left.(didn't feel like I belonged there either) I did go to I Hop and had a coke, but I have been just barely hanging on all day. I feel like I don't belong in this group, I am isolating I have been doing 3 meeting a day, but I just left the 8:00 meeting only there for a short time cause I don't feel like I belong and came here to tell you all what is going on. I have tears running down my face and I am telling you this, I don't know what to do. I am so lonely right now not knowing anyone, no friends at all here, I don't want to use but I know that I can find relief that way, yet I know too that if I do use I will feel worse than what I do right now. I have been reading a lot, I haven't had any work which is normal I guess for just moving to a different state but I am so confussed right now. I am hurting so bad inside and don't know who I can talk to, but I can tell you all cause you know me and I know that you will tell me what I need to do. Ok I will stop.
Love Vic