I know how you feel, I lost it all too. However you can get it back. You may or may not get your girl back. I pissed away a 17 year relationship, probably won't get it back. But if you keep drinking/using, you assure you won't get any of it back, you will keep losing until you truly lose everything, even your life perhaps. I took it all the way to the edge, until I ended up in the hospital ER followed by a trip to the psych ward. When they shut the door and it locks from the other side and all you have with you are your puke covered clothes and a hospital gown, you really feel like you've lost it all. I'm not going to tell you my life is wonderful. I'm 37, bankrupt, live with my parrents, get to see my 4 year old son only a few times a year, and can't remember the last time I had sex!!! But from where I came, I have made great strides. I have a job, that I kinda even like, I'm going back to school, I'm starting to pay back my parrents for all the money I owe them, I have a civil relationship with my ex (while I'd like it to more than just civil, that is the best I can hope for at the moment) Hopefully within the next year I will be able to save up enough money to move closer to my son. I will accomplish none of this if I go back to using and I realize this. You can mope and mourn your situation all you want, but until you do something about it, and I mean on a long term basis, things will never get better. Things with your girl will work out one way or another, that is now out of your control, to a large degree. I say to a degree because you can guarantee she absolutely won't want to have anything to do with you if you go back to drinking. If you can stay sober, she may come back, she may not. There are consequences for your actions and you are experiencing some of them now. I know it sucks, believe me, I know, but it is just life and you just have to accept it and move on. Take care.