Hi mawapril,
Glad to see you are doing better today.
A lot has been said about this already, but my perspective is that the posts that may seem somewhat intimidating are likely the most useful ones.
I am now just over two months sober, and what really changed it for me was the realisation that the only reason I drank was because I decided to do it.
On hundreds of previous attempts I saw relapses as a part of the process, as me learning to be sober, but it wasn't until someone here wrote a comment saying something in the lines of "you don't want this enough" (not using these exact words, but that was the message) that I realised this was exactly the case.
I wasn't relapsing for no reason, it wasn't a part of the process, I was relapsing because at some point I was making a conscious decision to do so, even if I couldn't see it.
I think this is what may be frustrating for someone who has been sober for years and has mastered control over those decisions, they know how to make the right choice and know we all can do it too. In other words, I think everyone here are honestly always trying to help.
I am sure you got it in you to do this and we're always here for you.
P