MawaApril, thank you for your post. You have truely helped me today; and all the subsequent comments as well.
As Deliah wrote;
Welcome back! I am very glad you posted tonight. It took me a while to finally get sobriety right. I first logged onto SR in March of 2012, and I didn't post again until October when I knew I really needed to stop drinking. I made it three months and then stopped posting as regularly, and started drinking. During the next three years I alternated between periods of sobriety, and failed attempts at moderation.
This is my story, too. I lurk. I read. Sometimes I even comment, but I never commit.
I fear I will never fully 'get it' and that I am constitutionally incapable. I fears others see it too. Who wants to be that person?
All my life I have been the independent one. I was the helper not the helpee. I have huge trust issues, but am the most trustworthy person alive. I will give, but I will not ask.
I have been determined to have 30 days under my belt before I become active on SR, but I cant seem to get there on my own. 20, 25 even 28, never 30.
I read the love, concern and kindness that is so readilly available to everyone of us in the forums. Yet, somehow I dont know how to access it. A Psycologist once declared me Characterly defended.
I hope and pray if I stick around long enough, something will stick with me.
Message me anytime if you want to chat. I am usually lurking somewhere.
Today is day 16 for me. Please come back.
Last edited by StormiNormi; 10-16-2016 at 11:30 PM.
Reason: Spell check