I guess for me... I just have this really standoffish family where no one wants to go to the trouble of reaching out... Like I missed out on saying goodbye to my grandfather because my mother thought I wouldn't want to bother to drive and I had to work the next day... So she called me the next day at work and I felt bad I hadn't gotten to be there... She kept a cancer diagnosis to herself until she hit remission, because she didn't think I would want to be burdened... I was left with an inconsolable helpless feeling because while I couldn't have done anything about the cancer either way, had I known about it I could have at least been there, brought her snacks and helped take her mind off it, you know? I just hate the thought of wasting any more time keeping a distance from loved ones and if I hadn't gotten sober I really wouldn't have given a damn. Yesterday when I left my niece's house, her Nunna gave me a hug and said "I know you try to make it down"... seemed kind of like a dig, almost.. but she comes from an Italian family that never questioned making the effort.