Controlled Drinking
Hello Forum
My name is Mark, I did an introductory post yesterday in the new members section however I'd like to introduce myself to the alcohol recovery forum as this is the main issue that brought me here.
I'm 27 years old and when I was 14 I was diagnosed with a life-changing medical condition that requires around the clock pain relief.
At 20 I entered an inpatient rehabilitation clinic for the first time where I spent over three months dealing with how to control my pain medication.
At 23 I entered another inpatient rehabilitation clinic for 6 weeks followed by another 3 admissions each lasting two months. All up I have spent nearly a year of my life learning how to 'cope'. I have struggled with addiction and believed that reporting childhood abuse to the police would magically cure me of my need to get 'out of it' - despite a successful prosecution and court case, I find myself again spending days in bed doing nothing but feeling depressed and miserable. Suicide often goes through my mind however I have an amazing partner who supports me through all of it.
In January of this year I began drinking. Alcohol never really appealed to me and in the past I had been able to drink a few drinks and not think twice about not drinking anymore until the next social occasion.
Whether through habit or addiction, I am not yet sure, I began drinking each night in order to relax and well - I don't mind the taste either.
A few months ago I realised that my drinking was becoming an issue. I would need to be sufficiently drunk in order to have other people come around the house and socialise. I'm not talking blind drunk obviously, I just needed a few drinks to calm my anxiety (I have diagnosed Generalised Anxiety Disorder).
Last weekend, my fiancée said to me:
"You're really going to have to cut down on your drinks because we can't afford a bottle of Vodka every two or three days".
It was at this moment I realised that I needed to lift my game. I have had enough of feeling like crap each morning, I'm sick of spending $200+ a week on Vodka and whilst I would not classify myself as an alcoholic- I would agree with the definition of 'pre-alcoholic' (and I genuinely do not know if that is denial, time will tell).
I downloaded a mobile application and keyed in the amount of drinks I had each night over the past week - the results were that I was in the top 5% of drinkers for my age.
I have witnessed my father struggle with alcoholism his entire life. I have seen my mother and grandmother do the same. I have heard them all say on multiple occasions that 'I am never going to drink again' only to see them all go back to the drink a week later.
I'll cut straight to the point - yesterday I made the decision to cut down from my normal amount of 12+ standard drinks per night, to 6 standard drinks. I did it - and it wasn't at all a hassle. After the 6th drink I knew that anymore would be dangerous to my health, expensive and worst of all - against what I told myself I would do.
I woke up this morning feeling really proud of myself, I didn't feel sick and I was proud that I could actually pick a number and stick to it.
I am going to limit myself to 6 standard drinks, measured, each night. If I happen to exceed this number on even one occasion - I will 'declare myself an alcoholic' and go to A.A.
I am writing this post and making it public because I really mean it. I have learned a hell of a lot of coping mechanisms throughout my years of counselling and rehab. What I never learned was self-control and self-discipline.
I know that this approach may not be popular with the forum, but if anybody had tried something like it - I'd love to hear your thoughts and opinions.
Thanks guys and gals.
Aussie89