Bless you. Keep writing, it helps.
I used to take 15 minutes a day to write in my journal about whatever-I-was-mad-about. I still do it when something bothers me and the solution is elusive. It helps to 1.) Get It Out and 2.) To have a set time every day to deal with it, but then let it run its course in that session. Anytime I start ruminating about whatever it is during the day, I defer it in my mind to "the worry session." That frees me up to not spend the entire day being a slave to my fears.
You'll get through this. Keep seeking.