Greetings everyone! I received my shipment of kratom today (intense love/hate feelings!) and had to switch my Doctor's appointment to a little later this week as I couldn't get a ride into town this morning. But it is rebooked. He knows I drink kratom tea ... and he knows I take it everyday for alcohol cravings and anxiety but I'm pretty sure he doesn't know how dependent I am on it. But he will know when I see him next. I am making arrangements to go to an inpatient treatment program for addictions and trauma (hopefully in January) and for that I will need to be off the kratom completely as I can't take it with me. So that right there will be some good motivation to force me to taper. I strongly considered just giving it all up now but I would be seriously concerned for my mental and emotional health if I did that. I think it would just be way too much all at once for me to handle. But that is why I'll discuss this with my family doctor and see if we can come up with a sensible (and somewhat tolerable!) taper schedule. I have trouble tapering anything sometimes so I may have to get my mother or someone to help me stick to my tapering plan. I get so extremely depressed coming off kratom it's hard to do anything ... and I don't think it's wise to push myself too far right now as it just might very well be too much. I"m just in a black hole with what feels like a flu from hell. The depression is the worst by far. I could white knuckle it through if it was just some uncomfortable or painful physical symptoms but it's much worse than that (though the physical are pretty hellish too). The extreme restlessness legs prevents me from sleeping at all or being able to relax in anyway, while also being too exhausted and ill to do anything. I'm frustrated as running out of kratom early certainly made it all too apparent that I still have a lot of work to do with Recovery. But my parents have been extremely supportive. I am still doing great with my alcohol recovery. I've been taking my medication responsibly. I'm still going to AA as much as possible. I am going into intensive addictions and trauma treatment for a month. I feel bad about the kratom but that isn't going to change anything I guess. But doing something about it will. I guess running out early just gave me a swift kick up the rear to start doing something about getting off the kratom too so I can be completely free from active addiction.
After the delivery today I had a very productive day outside putting up gates and beginning to screw the boards in place on the fence. I am pretty sure I can bring all my four horses here on Thursday (YIPPEE!!!!!) and put them in the corral with the shelter while we work on the rest of the fencing with a somewhat more relaxed and slower pace.
This coming Thursday will be an excellent day. I am finally bringing my horses home and I will reach my much anticipated 30 day milestone. Bring on my red chips
