Originally Posted by
sainos 
That is really hard for me..when you say
"And I accept that I will never know why I am this way."
Something that has ruled my life so much for the last 20 years..and I'll never know why.
Here is something to consider, sainos. You can always kick the booze, regardless of the causes of addiction, and research or analyze the causes later, in a securely abstinent state, if doing so still interests you.
What do you think about this idea?