My experience
My experience has been that no matter how much we care about or love another person we can't work their program for them. We also can't make them work their program, want to work their program, quit using or anything. It is useless to even try. My experience has also been that if an addict wants to use they'll use whether they are in a nice rehab with no drugs around or they are in a homeless shelter with guys running around with pipes. I used to hear all the excuses about why he (my ah) used but all they were were excuses. It didn't matter how good things were or how bad things were if he wanted to use, he used. As far as helping. Sometimes by helping we are actually hurting. I've learned that the hard way. I tried to help my ah for so many years by supporting him, letting him live with me rent free, paying all the expenses, paying his tickets so he wouldn't go to jail. All because I loved him and wanted to help him. I've just recently found out that all that was hurting him because 1) it allowed him to continue on in his addiction without experiencing any of the consequences of his actions that might make him realize the problem and want to quit and 2) by taking care of everything for him I robbed him of the opportunity to take care of it himself. Anyway I have been a major codie without realizing it for the past 9 years with another addict. Don't go there! Let her take care of herself, make her own decisions, experience her own consequences. It's the best thing you can do for her.