Need Encouragement
Was sober for 2 years. Decided to drink again a year ago. Gave into the illusion that I could and I was magically cured from problem drinking. So much negative things have happened in this year. I'll spare the details. Even though I damned well know I can't drink normally I want to and I like the way it makes me feel. But then there is the next day. And I always drink till I puke, I fall, I blackout, etc... I want to be able to go to winery tours and party with my friends at the beach or have a glass of fine wine with dinner! But I CAN'T! Why do I still want it. My trigger is that my brain is wired that that is the only way to have fun. When I'm not drinking I'm bored to stitches. My husband is very sendentary and not exciting at all. But I shouldn't rely on him to make ME happy. I get so bored and so lonely. I want to have sober friends to hang out with but I'm not AA material. I guess I'll try a SMART meeting on Monday to see what it's like. I wish my husband would go with me. We got sober together for 2 years. Nice to do it with him. Anyway, I'm obsessing over living alcohol free because in my mind it sucks. But it sucks more being hung over, bruised up, black out, not to mention my son hates mommy drunk.