Blake

THe first person I met since I got clean and became good friends with went back out about 2 months ago. I told her when she left that if she wanted to get clean I'd be there for her but not until then. 2 saturdays ago she called me crying and asked if I could come pick her up from the dope house b/c she needed to go to her mom's to detox again. I did that and eventhough she was sad and feeling like ****, I was happy b/c I knew all that would pass and I'd get my sarah back again. She detoxed and called me everyday pretty much to whine to me and for me to assure her the sickness was going to pass. last weekend she stayed at my house so I could take her to some of our meetings. The problem she was having was she couldn't stay permanantly at her mom's house and the rest of her family has cut all tie to her, so we called a few people we knew that were clean and in positions to help her get into a halfway house or oxford house, but nnowhere had any spots, a few places did but she had to go to 30 day treatment before they'd let her in. Sarah has been to every treatment facillity in LA and she has been banned from comming back to anyof them, so rehab was out the question. After talking to her sponsor she decided she was going to stay at the homeless shelter here in town till a bed came up at the halfway house her friend is in charge of. Her sponsor thought this was a good idea and so did I and the rest of her friends. Yesterday I went and picked her up from her mom's and drove her to the shelter. I have never been to a homeless shelter. I was helping her get her stuff out the car and bringing it back to her room and I felt soooooo bad for her and soooooo scared for her. She was trying to act all hard, but I could see she was scared as hell in her eyes. I don't blame her, there were people talking to themselves and a couple of people looked all geeked out and were acting all shady.

I hugged her and told her I loved her and I left.

I wanted to tell her....."sarah, **** this...you're comming to stay at my house, I have an extra room"

I wanted to let sarah move in my house last time she got clean, but my sponsor "suggested" that was a horrible idea to have a girl at a house with 2 dudes fresh in recovery. So I know what he is going to say if I ask him if it would be okay for her to move in now. Also my roommate greg, doesn't want her to move in without having more clean time under her belt, which I can kinda agree on. I just feel like an ******* letting her stay at that place when I have a perfectly good, vacant room less than a mile away.

Another thing that I haven't told anyone is that I love sarah, more than a friend. She is one of the most unique and special people I have ever met. It's wierd b/c I'm not physically attracted to her, but I still am attracted to her. I have never been attracted to someone that isn't georgeous(dickheadish, I know, but thats haow things honestly were). It's wierd...but I'll admit that my judgement is probably pretty clouded b/c of this fact.

I don't know what to do. My mind tells me that I should just let things run the way they are going and my heart tells me that I need to go there right now and tell her to pack her **** and move in to my house ASAP.

Any advice????PLEASE!!!!!!!!?!?!?!?!?!?!?!?!?